Who Knew?

legion, the haggard faced soul

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Look how healed all my scars are. But no.. I caved. I had to be a stupid bitch. Will I ever win this stupid fight with myself? I’ve been clean from ALL sorts of SH for months now. Why? I’m a fucking idiot. 

Look how healed all my scars are. But no.. I caved. I had to be a stupid bitch. Will I ever win this stupid fight with myself? I’ve been clean from ALL sorts of SH for months now. Why? I’m a fucking idiot. 

Filed under tw: self harm

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So tempted right now. I have so much to do but I can’t do it. Been pacing my room for ages now and with them all laid out I know I can’t. But not sure how long I can fight these urges.

So tempted right now. I have so much to do but I can’t do it. Been pacing my room for ages now and with them all laid out I know I can’t. But not sure how long I can fight these urges.

Filed under tw tw:self harm self harm

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2 and a half years? I love how much these stupid scars have healed! At the same time though, part of me feels the desire to cut every time I see how weak they were. I don’t think you can ever escape thoughts of self harm when you have constant reminders on your arms and thighs.

2 and a half years? I love how much these stupid scars have healed! At the same time though, part of me feels the desire to cut every time I see how weak they were. I don’t think you can ever escape thoughts of self harm when you have constant reminders on your arms and thighs.

Filed under scars selfharm

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My floor threw a party tonight. Wow. Was fun but mad. Word got round and students and adults appeared. People smoking all over the place lighting fags on the oven hob, puking on walls, there are stains all over the carpets from spilt drink, older guys appeared with drugs (according to my sober neighbour) was fun when it was good natured but then just became noise pollution and disrespectful! Though there was this cool guy “sergay”? Who didn’t drink there so I could actually have a decent chat with, and a French student who was cool. And a flatmate’s friend who came over and helped clean up sick and lift ridiculously drunk people to their rooms! #mad

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Haaaaate this! Went through to stay with someone in another city earlier this week. I loved being there but hardly ate anything. (Hate eating at other people’s)
Came home and have slipped back into “I’m fat” mode. Today I’ve had a sandwich, a banana and a nature valley bar and the intense self hatred? The size of my thighs?! The belly?! The fat round my face?! The non-prominent clavicles?! “I’m a pig!”
The counting calories, the 1am urge to run, to do press-ups, jumping jacks, crunches. I go through these stupid phases every couple months then I gradually give less of a fuck. But this. Stress. Fucking fat and did I tell you I’m fat. So what? Who cares? I’m fat.

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Practically healed scab. Just a wee red scar now. Haven’t cut since - so delighted! Was just a tinnnny slip-up!

Practically healed scab. Just a wee red scar now. Haven’t cut since - so delighted! Was just a tinnnny slip-up!

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Little slip up last night. I hate myself but am proud I stopped there. I feel sick that I’ve been clean just over 12 months from self harm and 14 months from cutting. It was only one, but I’m annoyed. And I’m meant to be giving blood on Monday. Pretty sure you’re not allowed to with an open wound :/

Filed under self harm trigger warning

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I caved. I cut. I had my mind set on doing it, so I did. I haven’t felt like this in over a year. Holy fuck.

Filed under self harm

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I feel bad. I stole these from the art department in my school and I haven’t used them yet cause I felt guilty. I have been tempted for months and craved the feeling so much the past two nights.

I feel bad. I stole these from the art department in my school and I haven’t used them yet cause I felt guilty. I have been tempted for months and craved the feeling so much the past two nights.

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Just found these pictures from last year on the family computer. They made me cry. I hate myself.

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Nobody in their right mind would do this to themselves.. Guess that explains why I’m not left handed.. haha I’m a hilarious bastard.

Nobody in their right mind would do this to themselves.. Guess that explains why I’m not left handed.. haha I’m a hilarious bastard.

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Fucking disgusting. Bought a new bandage wrap today though :-) all padded/bandages up cleanly now :-) last night was so bad. Didn’t sleep at all and it soaked through the padding/bandage so I had to apply pressure for hours til it dried up. Wasn’t even that deep. :(

Fucking disgusting. Bought a new bandage wrap today though :-) all padded/bandages up cleanly now :-) last night was so bad. Didn’t sleep at all and it soaked through the padding/bandage so I had to apply pressure for hours til it dried up. Wasn’t even that deep. :(